FOR ADULTS • DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS
BE WITH PEACEMAKERS

The Peaceful Pen: Communications Skills Classes for Adults

Three short courses: listen so the other person feels understood, say what you feel without escalating, and work through a disagreement instead of around it. In each one, you learn a skill, then write with it, so it's already in your hand before the next hard conversation.

From PeaceMaker Minnesota and local partners. Each course is two hours and stands on its own, so attend one class or all of them.

See the Three Courses
Join a Public Session

Lead a group or teach a skill? Host or design a Peaceful Pen course →

CHOOSE A COURSE

Three communication skills classes, one way of practicing

Each course teaches multiple peaceful communication skills you can use at home, at work, and everywhere in between. Take them in any order. They also build on each other.

1

Reflective Listening

Listen so the other person feels understood.

3-hour courseSee the course →
 2

Managing and Expressing Emotions

Pause before reacting, and say what you feel without escalating.

3-hour courseSee the course →
 3

Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution

Work through a disagreement instead of around it.

3-hour courseSee the course →

Hear them out→Stay steady→Solve it together

WHY PEOPLE COME

What you'll take away from the Peaceful Pen

Every course has one purpose: to strengthen your peaceful communication skills. Here's what that looks like when you leave.

Skills you'll use that night

Practical ways to communicate that work at home, at work, and everywhere in between.

Room to grow

Hearing what others write opens you up to new perspectives and insights. Many people say they leave feeling enriched and inspired.

People who care about the same thing

Meet neighbors who are interested in peacemaking and personal growth.

A reason to keep choosing peace

Leave reminded of why peacemaking matters and ready to try again tomorrow.

Course 1 · 16 hours (or 8 two-hour sessions)

Course 1: Reflective Listening

Listen so the other person feels understood.

What is Reflective Listening?

Reflective listening means understanding someone’s feelings, thoughts, and needs so the speaker feels heard and understood. The focus is on the speaker and what they’re saying, and we work to clarify and confirm our understanding with the speaker.

The four reflective listening skills

It starts with a mindset: receptive, without judgment, caring, and curious. Then you practice four skills until they come naturally.

Nonverbal communicationAttentive silence, eye contact and a nod.
Asking questionsShort, open-ended questions, asked only to learn.
ParaphrasingSaying it back in your own words, then asking, “Is that right?”
AcknowledgingShowing you understand, even when you don't agree.

Reflective listening examples: reframing hurtful words

When someone says something hurtful, you can fight back, withdraw, or reframe: filter out the negative and name the need underneath.

Find the need
They say“You never come home on time. You don't care about me.”
You reframe“You want to know if I love you?”
Describe what's being done
They say“You are a slob. The kitchen is always a mess because of you.”
You reframe“It is bothersome that there are days when I don't wash my dishes. You would like me to wash my dishes more often. Is that correct?”
Find common ground
They say“A good dad would discipline the kids.”
You reframe“Responding to misbehavior is something that we agree on. It sounds like we should talk about how we do that.”
Get Started

Course 2 · Coming soon

Course 2: Managing and Expressing Emotions

Pause before reacting, and say what you feel without escalating.

No one can make us angry. People and events can trigger a feeling, but how we interpret what happened shapes that feeling. That's good news: when we notice our feelings, we can take charge of them and choose our words, instead of letting our emotions choose for us.

How to stay calm in an argument: recognize, own, express

1
Recognize Name what you're feeling, and look for the feeling under any anger.
2
Own Accept the feeling, find the need behind it, and breathe before you speak.
3
Express Say what you feel and what you need with an I statement.

How to express your feelings with I statements

An I statement says how you're affected and what you need, without attacking the other person, so they can hear you without getting defensive.

The four parts of an I statement I feel ___ when ___ because ___. What I would like is ___.

I statements examples

At home
Instead of“You never want to do anything nice with me.”
Try“I feel sad and insecure when we don't go out, because I want to spend time with you and be close. What I would like is for us to do something together that we both enjoy.”
In the family
Instead of“You are always late and disrespect me.”
Try“I feel worried when you are driving past 10:00, because I want to know that you are safe when I go to bed. What I would like is for you to be home by 10:00.”
At work
Instead of“You dumped my papers on the floor.”
Try“I feel hurt and sad when my papers are put on the floor, because a cordial working relationship is important to me. What I would like is for you to ask me to move my things.”
Get Started

This course is about everyday frustration, hurt, and worry. It isn't therapy. If your emotions feel overwhelming, start with a licensed counselor.

Course 3 Coming soon

Course 3: Problem Solving Steps

Work through a disagreement instead of around it.

Conflict happens when something or someone interferes with, or is believed to threaten, someone's goals, interests, or needs. Healthy conflict resolution looks for an arrangement that lets both people meet their interests and keep a positive relationship.

Steps to resolve a conflict

These conflict resolution skills pull together everything from the first two courses.

1
Regain your peace Calm your own emotions first.
Course 2
2
Clarify needs Learn why each of you wants what you want.
Course 1
3
Read the situation Pick the right time and define the problem together.
Course 3
4
Invent options Brainstorm win-wins before judging any.
Course 3
5
Decide Choose a fair solution with clear next steps.
Course 3

Interests vs. positions

Your position is what you want. Your interest is why you want it. Positions often clash, but interests can usually both be met, so the course teaches you to ask about interests: “What matters most to you?”

Get Started

How to disagree respectfully

  • Focus on the problem, not the person.
  • Look to the future, not the past.
  • Look for a win-win that meets their interests too.

THE PEN

Why writing helps: the benefits of journaling and expressive writing

You can't practice a new skill in the middle of an argument, but you can practice it on paper. Psychologists have studied expressive writing (writing freely about your thoughts and feelings) for decades. You can read more from Greater Good in Action at UC Berkeley. The Peaceful Pen isn't therapy. It's communication training that uses writing as the practice space.

I enjoyed the interactive nature of the program and that there were a variety of activities to present the concepts. I enjoyed the creative writing experiences more than I thought I would.

Peaceful Pen participant
1
Writing slows you down On paper there's no one to interrupt and nothing to win. You have time to find the words you'd want to say.
2
You notice what you feel It's hard to name someone else's feelings when you can't name your own. Writing helps you sort them out first.
3
The words are ready later Once you've written a reflection or an I statement, it's easier to say one out loud when it counts.

EVERY COURSE

What a Peaceful Pen class looks like

Every course follows the same shape. Come a few minutes early for refreshments, a name tag and a hello. We start on time.

Warm up

A short warm-up conversation in pairs, a welcome, and introductions.

Learn the skill

Hands-on teaching, as interactive as the group is comfortable with.

Write with it

Three to five short writing rounds based on prompts, with time to share if you want to.

Close

Announcements, closing thoughts, a short survey, and a group photo.

  • Nobody gets called on. Join in as much or as little as you like.
  • No writing experience needed. Spelling and grammar don't matter.
  • Your writing stays yours. Nothing is shared unless you choose to read it.
  • Attend one class (or session, if you prefer) or all of them. Each stands on its own.
  • Take the skill home. Each course comes with a take-away skill card.
  • Bring a friend. Practicing together makes it stick at home.

FOR GROUPS

Bring the Peaceful Pen to your group

Book one course or all three for a parent group, a team or a senior center.

Parents
Parent groups at partner schools

Kids learn conflict skills at school. The Peaceful Pen gives parents the same skills at home.

  • For PTAs and parent groups
  • Pairs with your school's PeaceMaker programs
Peaceful Pen for parent groups
Workplaces
An active listening workshop for your team

Communication skills that keep teams connected, not just compliant. Works as a lunch and learn.

  • In person, in Minnesota
  • Part of respectful workplace training
Peaceful Pen for workplaces
Communities
Senior centers, churches and neighborhood groups

A program idea for your senior center, a small group for your faith community, or a series for your neighbors.

  • Public, group or sponsored classes
  • Anywhere in the Twin Cities
Peaceful Pen for communities

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

Upcoming public classes

Some are led by PeaceMaker Minnesota and others by our trained facilitators.  Public classes are free and open to any adult 18 and older. The series happens over 8 weeks. Some are led by PeaceMaker Minnesota and some by our partner organizations.

See Upcoming Dates
Register

LEAD THE PEACEFUL PEN

Become a Peaceful Pen facilitator or course designer

PeaceMaker Minnesota leads Peaceful Pen courses, and so do our partners: people and groups who already bring others together. With our guidance, facilitate a course in your community or design the next one.

For people and groups
Facilitate a course
  • Lead a course in your community, on your own or through your organization. Organizations are listed as the host.
  • We pay you and provide the script, the take-away cards, and help solving problems.
  • You fill the room: recruiting, marketing and printing. We help promote it.
Become a Facilitator
For course designers
Design a course
  • Build a course around one peaceful communication skill.
  • We help shape and pilot it with a real group.
  • Every Peaceful Pen facilitator can then use it.
Propose a Course

QUESTIONS

Communication skills classes: common questions

ABOUT THE COURSES

  • Reflective listening means understanding someone's feelings, thoughts, and needs so they feel heard and understood. You stay focused on the speaker, and you check your understanding. This skill is taught in Course 1 of the Peaceful Pen.

  • A good I statement has four parts: I feel…, when…, because…, and what I would like is…. For example: “I feel worried when you are driving past 10 pm, because I want to know that you are safe when I go to bed. What I would like is for you to be home by 10 pm.” It names a feeling without blame, describes the situation objectively, states your need, and asks for one specific change.

  • PeaceMaker Minnesota teaches five: maintain or regain your peace; clarify needs, interests, and feelings; read the situation (including whether it's the right time and defining the problem together); invent options; and decide on a solution that is fair and meets both people's interests.

TAKING PART

  • No. Spelling, grammar, and style don't matter. The prompts are short, and the writing helps you think more about the skill.  It is not a writing class.

  • No. Nobody is called on. Classes are as interactive as you're comfortable with, and sharing your writing is always optional.

  • No. The Peaceful Pen is communication-skills training that uses writing. It is not counseling or therapy. If you are going through something difficult, a licensed counselor is the right place to start.

  • Public classes are open to adults 18 and older and are free. Workplaces, senior centers, faith communities, and parent groups can also book their own course.

Listen well. Stay steady. Solve it together.

Join a free public class or bring a course to your group. Public classes stay free because donors and sponsors cover the cost.

Join a Public Class
Fund the Pen

Whether you have questions or are ready to attend, lead, design, or donate, contact us: info@peacemakermn.org · 651-631-1604

Sign up for updates

Make our mission yours.

Unsubscribe anytime. We never share or sell your email.